January is coming soon, and i guess my life is gonna be messed up soon too. Wth is goin on here i dont care and i can't even pay any cares and i shouldnt have to care because one thing i have to care about is only my future. That's that. Hell, no. That's not only that. Because future is complicated and crucial and wotever.

Three months left, the final examination, the main exit door from this unenlightened school world. I do, want to runaway from my clasroom, the terrible one, i guess. 

But i know, outside the school means outside. Really face the real world, the real hell. If i write such a thing like this, i feel like i just want to go back to my childhood time.

I have no choice but to do the remaining three months. Study and this might be my last post. Study and left all the cyberspace things. All the downloads stuff and videos. I am gonna miss youtube for sure.

Okay, wot else am gonna tell? well, my dad has just gone back to Holland and that means five months ahead without him. And i also just got pissed off by my bro and my two sappy cousins and also their parents (my aunt and my uncle i meant). They are jerks, and they understand nothing about my family's condition, sap and lost. Because all they wanna do is only the fuckin new year eve, light up the fireworks and blow trumpet, fuck i hope they got their cheeks blue and swollen after those trumpet things. I revile them. Not including my brother. They provoked my brother to join their crappy party, leave me and my mom alone at home. 

Actually it's okay for my mom, to let my bro joint those crappy party, but not now, you know, helloooo! not in the same day as my dad's departure. So, people (auntie, uncle and jerky kids), please understand.

Well, sorry for spamming about my feelings. I just want to write how desperate i am now, and how the hell my life's been so knotty and perplexing and exhausting and intriguing (sometimes). So, that's life, i guess.

and i've just recently (sooo recent!) made a wallie:

well this isnt gonna be a long post. just want to save something (i mean something like archive it). here, my favourite icons of the month:

 

nice coloring and pose (of course) and... gorgeous models.

I uploaded one of her photos:

A life-like barbie isn't she ?

Let's see what have happened to me recently (well, only if you wanna see..). I screwed my life, my grades, my school life, and probably, my future. I hope the last one wont happen. I dont have any desires to study anymore since my latest physic score. I was the worst in my class, i barely could believe it, but it was true, too bad to be true, but it was.. real.

And today, the remedy days have just started. it goes for 4 days, and i dont think i'll guarantee any cures for my grades. I do realise the importance of being care about my report book, i just cant move anything on, my brain, my leg, even my heart.

one thing i wanna do. it's crying. i just want to scream out loud, cry, and maybe, jump out of the balcony.

If only suicide doesn't cost any sins.

if only it's painless.