i've just had something embarrassing. This is about my score, the math one. i know i shudnt be too anxious about such a thing but this one is really, pathetic.

I have ever been the worst in class, in physics, that was a usual test, not so many things to be learned, but i still cudnt do it. That time i thought i wasnt study too hard, i admited i was so lazy back then. It happened about 3-4 weeks ago.

It's over. A week plus two days full of tests. But today i got a bad news (again). I got the worst score in math, it's too bad that i cudnt even tell anyone what actually i've got. i dont think i will doing well in medical anymore, after this two bad things. Yesterday, physics, now math.

I'm really, a nightmare. im bad at this and that and all that jazz. What a depressing. My parents, cant help! they've got no advices and they barely listen a word, i cudnt share anything to anyone.

Now, what? what will you do when you get no good scores or when your parents keep talking with the phone, or when your brother still too young to understand everything, when you are alone, no friends can help (because they have their own bussiness), when you've lost your dream, when you find out that you got no talents at all.

Stay, stay stay, i can stand not to cry

Labels: im telling you a depressing story

i was doing the chemistry thing when suddenly something really disturbing happened. It's my nose again, it was so fvckn idiot that i feel like i wanna change it! argh! you know, when i was trying to concentrate on the test, my nose started to... stop working.

So, the phlegm, clogged my nose. Whatever. At first i knew that my flu would relapse. and i used to bring my own tissue. but today, i forgot my tissue, and it occured. The flu. came back. attacked me, attacked my chemistry score. i cudnt even think of anything, i cudnt even try to solve the probs. Wot a trickiest probs on the paper and i cudnt even give my all to clear 'em!

Well, i know exactly, that was my fault, 100% absolute. Absolutely my mistake. Now that i have already found out what would happen to my test, i just can pray.

PS: while you are suffering from flu, dont forget your tissue.

Labels: im telling you a depressing story

1. i got my laptop's dvd drive, broken. It must be because days ago, my dad flipped it like it was a crap.

i feel terrible and i am like, i wanna burst. It's my laptop, i love it so much, i love it like a girl loves her first boyfriend.

Please, i dont know what to do now, a repairation must be costing much, it'll ruin my saving.

it was exactly a week ago, when my dad was angry with me and he did something harmful to me. actually it's not to me, but to my laptop, to be specific, to my DVD driver. Now, the driver's existance cant be read by the laptop itself, anymore.

i knew i was so fuckin idiot, that i cud groaned like this 'ih' to my mom. i knew that was not true, but my dad wasnt right either. not that kind of parents wud treat his daughter like that, hit and throwing things, and destroyed her laptop.

bye bye my DVD driver, rest in peace. i love you.

2. i went to do extra lessons today, to a place where i usually meet 'the good one'. unfortunately, i didnt see him today T_T

3. last week my dad offered me an ipod touch 8GB. he said i cud buy either the touch one or the classic one. but he didnt offer me that bling bling thing anymore.

Labels: im telling you a depressing story

tomorrow's tests (or today?) still: Japanese and Bahasa. i dont feel any good, i feel soo sick, literally sick (not that kind of sick hearted = krazeh). I've got flu and my belly hurts, kinda hard to concentrate. cant focus on my study. So. here i am, writing about one of some (?) memories i've just recalled. it's a story about my friend, i feel sorry for her (none of her relatives are died or what but it's just something sad, so i feel sorry for her)

Let's call her Katy. Katy is quite close to me but not so close. we talk a lot but not so often see each other. We go to the same school, same grade but never in the same class.

One day, i, katy and timmy (he is a friend of mine too) were doing an extra lesson. we three starving and planned to eat somewhere soon after the lesson ended. When the lesson really came to end, we started to leave, timmy called someone i didnt really now. He called Mary, a friend of em. I did know mary but we didnt say 'hi' to each other.

Timmy asked Mary to join us, since Mary was still at the same place as us (but she was still doing her extras). Mary decided to join us, escaped from her extras.

We went by my car, to a cafe nearby. We did talk a lot. Even i wasnt talk much, i listened more but i did try to enjoy the situation. Most of the talk were gossip and then we started to talk about Mary's blog. Timmy asked her 'so where am i? what number? witty and what?'

see? you dont get his meaning rite? me too! that time, i only listened as they kept chatting.

'You are number 9' (well i forgot the number) said Mary. 'what are you two talking about?' asked Katy. 'It's on my blog. blog thing.' said Mary. 'What number is Katy?' asked timmy then. 'hmm i dont remember i have written something about Katy, yeh actually i was kinda confused, what i shud write about you, Kat' said Mary.

I looked at Katy, i didnt see any difference in her face. I knew there's something meaningful at the blog. Timmy kept reading Mary's blog, and sometimes, he said it out loud.

From what Timmy's read, i knew the writing is special. It's written by Mary for 15 people really got her attention (or maybe really close to her). the writing's so romantic and good english (mary's english is pretty good). Timmy's name was on the big 15, but Katy's wasnt. At first i wondered nothing but then i remembered something, Liz (she's a friend too) has ever told me about Katy and Mary.

I waited for the extras at school. Actually i waited for Katy, she was on a project, Mary's birthday project. Katy did tell their friends, to make a surprise for Mary. they made a gift, a wall, that consisted of mary's story etc. it was a small party, but so beautiful. So, it was Katy's project, Katy's plan, and it worked! Katy's nicely-done job.

Back to the main story. As timmy kept reading, i saw a change on Katy's face, but it was so blur that i barely realised it. Then timmy said it back 'where's Katy?'. 'ive told you rite? i was so confused that i didnt know what i shud write about Katy' answered Mary. 'so, katy is not here?' asked timmy. 'yeah'. 'i know what you feel Kaaat, dont be saaad!' said timmy as he wiped Katy's dry face. Timmy roled it like it was a joke, but I knew, Timmy, was serious.

i knew Katy was sad, but i wudnt judge her, i just predicted.

When you think she's your best friend, it's sad if she doesnt think the same. As i have said, i do feel sorry for Katy. Kat, you have your best friends around! go hug her when you need to cry.

Labels: im telling you a depressing story, random thoughts

tomorrows test: Japanese and Bahasa. i've been suffering flu and it's so disturbing.

Okay back to first plan, opened my laptop: tell a story about one of my freaky scary friend.

Her name is Sally (just call her that way please. there's no room to write her actual name). She is a year older than me and attends the same grade as i am. We both go to the same school, but we never be in the same class (thank God for this).

Actually i dont know her well. I dont know her personality, her character, her inner something (wotever), but i know for sure (since the first time i saw her), she is... not a good friend.

I am not a close friend of her, and i havent even ever greeted her (and prbbly never). Okay this is my first acquaintance with her:

once we were having the same business, we wanted to get some paper (i think it's not necessary to tell wot paper was that, but it was kind of school's stuff). we stood inside a building, there were three people inside: me, sally, and my friend, Kay.

as i have told you before: we didnt even know each other.

Kay broke the silence. 'so you are sally, and you sally too rite?' then i smiled to show her my 'yes'
'cool' she said then
'why not be friend?'
then i thought the same thing, why not be friend? as we were juniors there, new students, not so many friends yet, i tried to offer my hand.

then i said 'i am sally' with a happy curve in my face.
at first she just stared me blankly, but then she looked me in disgust.

i felt ashamed that time, and i stopped trying to get to know her more, to make her as one of my friends. that's that. Guess who's her! i'll treat you an ice cream.

one thing i wanna tell you, a friend is a gift.

Labels: im telling you a depressing story